Another rant

Its sorta sad I only ever bother posting something up here when i have something bad to say. But hell, that was the reason i set up a blog in the first place. First couple of posts I ever posted can basically be summed up as me opening up my emotional floodgates. Meh. That period is now long past and whatever problems I had encountered then is now long resolved. Thankfully. Also, things here might be more revealing than I should make them be, so I might take this down or at least censor big portions of this in the near future.

Anyways, whats today's rant about? Family relations. I'll be honest here, maybe too much so. Every time I see a grand family reunion of sorts, I start feeling sad. Every time I see siblings having fun together, I start feeling sad. Every time I hear someone's had a good time with their relatives, I start feeling sad. Want me to elaborate? Read on the following;

Case #1, family reunions. Why? Because things between us and our extended family is as good as broken. Our family isn't exactly big nor generally well off either. So reunions tend to be more localised. Another thing is, we're the only family in Sabah... well, there's actually another, an aunt... but things have, you guessed it, gone sour with her too. Many a reasons for the fall apart, cumulative over decades. I'll leave that probably for another day. With Chinese New Year looming, I can't help but feel bothered by the fact that we won't be having another family reunion like I used to have 5 years or so back. Funny how we only realise what we have when it's already gone eh? I now really miss going house to house, catching up with cousins, aunts, and uncles. Some new, some old... close and far in between. I really miss sitting around the table enjoying new year's delicacies with a big gathering. I know some of you are already thinking "Be glad you still have your immediate family still with you". I am, but, it just doesn't carry the same sorta 'magic' a big reunion would have. Meeting faces you would probably only see once a year. Now? I honestly can't tell you who's my favourite relative anymore. Because I now have none. They've either passed away recently, too busy with their lives to bother anymore or are just downright dicks.

Case #2, siblings. Most of you would probably understand where I'm coming from with this. I have a brother. Though, he's not exactly normal. I'll just put it that way. I can't quite interact with him like I could with the average person or good friend, I can't quite talk to him about anything with him actually comprehending it beyond superficially, I can't quite say I'm proud of him of anything he did. They say normal siblings are worse and such... But does anyone here know how it feels to have a sibling with special needs? Really, I would take a stereotypical brother/sister any day even if it seems like a worse idea. Because I could probably have someone else to share my thoughts with at home, someone else to rely on at home, someone else to have fun with at home, someone else to argue with, not just simply someone else at home. And my parents put too much hope into him, I'm probably overstepping the border mentioning this. But I really feel that my brother won't go any further in life. I just don't feel that brotherly love that i so often catch a glimpse of elsewhere.

Case #3, very related to case #1. I'm starting to feel lazy to elaborate. I probably have overelaborated by now.

I've got more things to say, but I just don't feel like typing any further. Maybe another day.